I got the opportunity two summers ago to learn from Robert Dilts and Judith DeLozier at the NLP University (hosted at University of California Santa Cruz). NLP stands for Neuro-Linguistic Programming and is a blend of modelling, therapeutic practice, and coaching methodology. The course was one month long and I got to walk away smiling and certified as an NLP Trainer and Consultant.
In one of the sessions, Robert was demonstrating how to help someone find confidence and the analogy he used was Dumbo and the feather. For the benefit of those who have never had the joy of being subjected to watching this drug enduced disney classic, here is the basic plot:
Dumbo, a small elephant with very large and floppy ears wakes up after some random trancelike dream to find himself with one of his animal friends in a tree. For a short time both are confused as to how they arrived in this lofty place and conclude that Dumbo must have flown into the perch. This eventually gets associated with the presence of a feather which they deem must have magical powers. The end of that phase of the movie is when Dumbo holds the magic feather in his trunk, flaps his wobbly ears and through trial and error takes flight.
Dumbo finds himself performing in the circus as a flying elephant (as could only be expected...) and maintains this status as long as he clutches to the magic feather. In another scene, while floating around the big top, Dumbo accidentily drops the magic feather, panics and starts to drop like a lead balloon. In a panicked and flustered state he eventually deduces that if he does what he did when holding the magic feather he may gain some stability. To no great surprise to those watching he misses the fast approaching soil and soars back into the air. The feeling of relief and the sound of applause sinks into his bulging belly and he comes to acknowledge that the magic feather was only some form of dutch courage that led him to do what he always could.
I meet and get to support many people who struggle to fly in certain contexts. They feel like elephants with ears that trail the ground wondering if they can ever succeed in a specific environment. After listening to the story of Dumbo and their consideration of my demention some deduce that all they need is a magic feather to get them going. The process of helping them find it is always a joy, especially when they realize it doesn't necessitate years or even months talking about their inner child on a couch.
The magic feather I help people find is a moment within a different context when they were comfortable in their own skin and able to navigate themselves with ease. I treat this like a resource stuck in a box. Through some simple steps I help this person take this feeling/experience/resource from this box and carry it into the challenging context and anchor it in a manner that can be recalled when needed. I get the person to consider a symbol (the magic feather) that can associate with the feelings and experience of them functioning at their best and then lay out various scenarios of when and how to remind themselves of the magic feather until one day they drop it, leave it at home, or just plain forget about it only to recognize that the ability lies within them.
This may seem weird or hokey but the results are worth it. I have seen people parnoid of public speaking take the stage with ease and engage the audience with intimacy. I have seen people afraid of authority learn to share their voice in a way that opens great dialogue and relationship. The list could go on but for the sake of brevity I will open this up for conversation, critique, or questions.
Mark Dowds
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